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I Know I Have A Lot of Potential!

Question and answer details
sister
I Know I Have A Lot of Potential!
2009-11-15
As salamu 'alaykum... There is  loads on my mind, and I am writing to you trying to get a different perspective on things. I sometimes feel I have low self-esteem, as in I know I can do things, but the thought of doing something new, like going somewhere for the first time just makes me real nervous even at the mention of it. I end up saying "no" to things, just to avoid the situation, even if inside of me I really want to go and challenge myself - (it's like going to the market place alone). I am not afraid  of the people. Its like "How am I going to do this?"  What will I say, and how do I act? These things keep going through my head. I even feel really bad or weird holding food items in front of people as in I would dread holding a packet of crisps and moving around, even at college. I feel dumb about these things as I know I have a lot of potential. This thing is becoming a hurdle, as in I don't even go to get simple things for myself. I can't always be dependent on others like my mother or brothers for it so how do I solve this!    
Answer
Dear sister S

You remind me of myself when I was younger. I used to think that the whole world is watching me. Of course, nobody cared really about me, and what I was doing, but that was my impression. And there are many people like you and me all over the world. There are two main reasons why this happens to us:

1. Social Expectations and pressures whereby we are used to seeing and hearing people commenting negatively on simple things others do. As a result, everything seems little to us and we want to avoid feeling ashamed.

2. Lack of self esteem.

- How to get out of this loop?

3. Practice positive self speak and come up with your own personal mantra such as: " I am capable", " I can do it"

4. Share your feelings with someone close to you and have them role play a situation with you before you go to a place or do something in public.

5. Write about your feelings. Then write against your feeling. Then write your final decision then read it out-loud before you go and do it or say it.

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